ElleVee

Tuesday

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:37:13 GMT

Days off always start out with grandiose plans that I will accomplish much, and be triumphant and successful. Then I fart around on the internet all day. But today I will get SOME stuff done.

* Clean out my rat's cage. It smells like fail.

* Go to Borders. I know I have no money, but I get 25% off! 25%!!!

* Work on arm warmers/gloves, which is my current fixation. I CAN WEAR THEM. And they're more fun than scarves.

* Finish Supernatural. I'm SCARED of the season one finale.

* Work on my script.

* Find out how to get an agent for my freaking book.

* Plan my weekend of AWESOME AND WIN.
- LV

Sunday

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 05:00:50 GMT

The inside of my head at 12:48 AM: A Conversation Between Two LVs:
Stupid rats are doing stupid fights! Stupid!
You should get some rest.
Yes. Ooh, I should smoke another cigarette, and watch another episode of The IT Crowd, and work on my arm warmers!
That is not sleeping.
My ear is still filled with water. I can feel it sloshing. LIKE THE OCEAN.
I thought you were out of those energy drinks.
THEY ARE LIQUID JOY. My head is sloshy.
You need sleep. You want to see Zombieland. You have writing to do. You have the podcast tomorrow night. It's almost 1:00 AM.
My ear really hurts. And I want to wear my zombie shoes to Zombieland. But no one will GO with me.
You won't go AT ALL if you don't get to bed.
I keep losing count of how many rows I've done on my arm warmers. Why am I not talented?
You barely read the instructions, and you're exhausted. Just go to sleep.
I want a cigarette.
You don't NEED another cigarette.
YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE.
Maybe tomorrow less caffeine? And a sleep schedule that roughly resembles that of a normal human being?
THE WATER CAME OUT OF MY EAR! I CAN HEAR! IT'S AN EAR-ACLE! HAHAHAHHA.
This is going to be like the Red Bull Incident. I can tell.
No. Because there is not a Coffee Truck in New Jersey for me to chase. Or a Monster Truck.
You have an addictive personality. You need to watch when you start to get obsessive.
I'm not obsessive.
You tried to squeeze the Monster Energy Drink sweatshirt, in case the fabric had caffeine in it, when we were at the mall.
That just makes SENSE. I was testing it.
You keep sulking to friends about Shutter Island being delayed, and how you could have seen it this weekend. You've told many people. Repeatedly. And you've watched the Nightmare on Elm Street trailer more times than I care to admit. Now you're getting that way about random shit, like you do when you're stressed. And then we have insomnia.
You can't prove that. There's no evidence. You are a LIAR.
Go. To. Sleep.
OOOH. My rats are snuggling. They LOVE each other. Hi, ratses!
Great.

I'm totally not going to sleep. Sleep is for THE WEAK.

Saturday

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:12:20 GMT

FMH (Fuck My Hair).

So, I dyed my hair last night without bleaching it, because as I keep saying I am desperately ascared of bleaching my hair (but next time I will totally follow forrent 's advice). It might be just the crappy light in my house, but my hair is NOT this color:

It looks like this:

I surrender.
Going to go buy stuff online with my IMAGINARY MONEY.
- LV

Saturday

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:26:34 GMT

Friday fannish5: What 5 series would you resurrect if you could?

1. Firefly
2. Arrested Development
3. Angel
4. Pushing Daisies
5. Freaks and Geeks

Stolen from forrent

Friday

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:41:34 GMT

I am super hyper. Like, too much caffeine, I want to run laps and go buy piles of yarn and knit a body bag for someone (WHO?) and then take a self-defense class so I can beat the fuck out of people like Echo, even though Echo annoys me, because WHY is everyone all, OOOH, ECHO? Whiskey is way hotter, anyway. I mean, if I had to switch teams, I'd go with Echo. Then again, Amy Acker is fucking rad, AND she was on Supernatural, and she flirted with Dean, which makes her the smart one.

Um. Yeah. I wanted to knit arm warmers today, because my writing is going SHITTILY, because I am still trying to figure out what the fuck to do with my FIRST book, and also I want to write something epic and intense and lovely, and it all comes out, 'Blah blah blah vampires and relationships,' only not Buffy. And AND I kind of wish I had legal ownership of Sylar, because I would have so much fun with that character. And Zachary Quinto. Yes, I am a shameless perv.

I was thinking of doing another blog. TWO blogs, you say? Yeah, but one would be personal. I haven't had a personal blog in AGES. This doesn't count, since I generally just yell about whatever has pissed me off this week. But then I think I'm not so funny or interesting.

I need to dye my hair again. I'd love to bleach it then dye it red, but the last time I bleached my own hair (in high school) most of it fell out, and I looked like a freakbaby, and high school was ROUGH ENOUGH what with the dating of a drug dealer and the private school and the ANGST. And then my hair got thin when I was suffering from lack of vitamin D because A) I was living in a basement apartment where sunlight never went, B) I was working nights and sleeping most days, and C) I was living almost entirely from cold cans of soup, OUT OF THE CAN, because I had such a huge roach problem that I couldn't keep any other food in my apartment, and even THEN the roaches came.

I don't think i can blame the roaches for my hair thinning.

But I can't afford to spend money on a professional hair bleach/dye (it runs over $150 at the local saloon, although if I just have them bleach it and dye it myself with Manic Panic maybe it would cost less) because last night I got a call from my old college and I wasn't paying attention, and then all of a sudden I was pledging $150 to them which I could have spent on a fucking OVERPRICED hair dye job.

Right. Going to watch Supernatural now.

You know what? I was eating popcorn, and now it's all gone. That's sad.
- LV

Wednesday

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 18:19:32 GMT

* My sinus infection fucking hates me. Antibiotics, you are supposed to be helping my HEAD, not hurting my STOMACH.

* I just need to explain why I have been quiet about Roman Polanski. For myself. Here's how it goes in my head. Bold is one thought process, italics is the other.
He's one of my all-time favorite directors. He's a genius.
But he drugged and raped a 13 year-old.
That was a very long time ago. Will any good come of punishing him now?
He broke the law. He confessed. He needs to be punished. Time is irrelevant.
I love Rosemary's Baby.
That is a bullshit argument. He broke the law. He did something wrong. He should go to jail. He raped a girl.
There's a big debate that he was entrapped. I mean, the mom let the girl sleep over at his house. That's totally fucked up. You don't let your kid do that.
That is not excuse for what he did. If it's true, she should be punished too. But that doesn't excuse him.
But his wife and unborn child were murdered in the most heinous way imaginable. He's bound to be a little fucked up.
Is that the excuse you're going with? He BROKE THE LAW. YOU KNOW HE BROKE THE LAW. What happened to his family was awful, and utterly irrelevant to this situation. You don't get to rape kids because you've had a bad time of it.
No. I guess I'm just sad because I love his work so much, and think he's been through so many tragedies, but I do believe he deserves to go to jail. THAT SUCKS.
Yes, it does. But he broke the law. He did a really awful thing, and he needs to go to jail. You wouldn't be so lenient if he wasn't a famous director, would you?
No, probably not. I just hate the situation. And he's OLD.
Should the Lockerbie bomber have been released for health reasons?
Of course not. And I'm glad they didn't release the woman from the Manson family who had the brain tumor. But that's different.
Semantics. You want to give him a pass because you feel bad for him about the tragedies in his life, and because you respect him as an artist. You have to separate the person from the work. You always talk about that with your friends.
I know that. And I hate that this situation has made me one of those people who says, 'Yeah, he should go to jail, BUT...' That's bullshit. I don't WANT to be one of those people. He broke the law, and he should go to jail. I believe that. That's the way it works. He should be punished for his crimes. Justice has to be served. All the beautiful art and film in the world doesn't change that. EVER. But it doesn't make me happy about the situation. I hate that someone I admire so much on one way can be capable of such repellent acts in another way. And I can't explain this to people. I'm going to stay quiet.
That's probably your best bet. You're not very well-spoken.
We're the same person.
I know that.

Why My Job Is Better Than Your Job

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 17:15:01 GMT

A conversation with one of my bosses today:
First conversation of Monday morning.

Boss 1: How was your weekend? I see you dyed your hair again.
Me: Great! My parents finally let me get rats!
Boss 1: Of course you'd want to keep vermin as pets. What did you name them?
Me: Rory and Olive.
Boss 1: Is Rory the boy?
Me: No, they're both girls.
Boss 1: But how will they make rat babies?
Me: I don't WANT rat babies.
Boss 1: Of course you do. You could become a rat breeder, and make money galore!
Me: I don't WANT to be a rat breeder. I just want MY rats.
Boss 1: Are they lesbians?
Me: WHAT?
Boss 1: You have lesbian rats.
Me: They're not lesbians.
Boss 1: How do you know? Rats could be lesbians.
Me: My rats are not lesbians.
Boss 1: Do you have a PROBLEM with lesbian rats?
Me: No, but I don't think-
Boss 1: Why don't you want to breed your lesbian rats?
Boss 2 (Who happens to be wife of Boss 1) enters.
Boss 2: Well, I chose to walk in at EXACTLY the wrong moment.
Boss 1: Elle was
Boss 2: No, really, I genuinely DO NOT want an explanation.

Best job ever. Hands down. You just WISH your bosses were as cool as mine.
- LV

PS WHEN did LJ start detecting my location? DO Not Want.

Character Meme

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 13:48:59 GMT

This is ALL forrent 's fault.

Instructions: Write down the names of 12 characters. After you’ve written them all down, then read and answer the questions hidden behind the cut.

No fair peeking at the questions behind the cut until you’ve jotted down all 12 characters.

1. Ianto Jones

2. Walter Kovacs/Rorschach

3. Sylar/Gabriel Gray

4. Alpha

5. Allen Doyle

6. Spider Jerusalem

7. V

8. Greg House

9. Wash

10. Spock

11. Severus Snape

12. Billy Buddy/Dr. Horrible

Have you ever read a Spider Jerusalem/Severus Snape fic? Do you want to?
No. I don't think Spider/Snape fic exists. I hope it doesn't. Can you IMAGINE that? Snape would curse Spider's penis and Spider would disrupt Snape's bowels.

Do you think Alpha is hot? How hot?
Yes. Alpha is always hot. Violently hot.

What would happen if Dr. Horrible got House pregnant?
Actually, 'House' would be far more interesting. Can we make this happen?

'BWAHAHAHA!'

'Billy. I need more Vicodin. Your stupidity is hurting the baby.'

Can you rec any fic(s) about Wash?
Not really, Wash fic tends to make me sob or be maudlin.

Would Rorschach and Spider make a good couple?
Rorschach and Spider? Haven't I already stated that I have huge problems with even JOKING about this? No. Spider would do and say awful, obscene things, and Rorschach would eventually snap in the Brave New World and hide under the Maker until it gave him sugar cubes.

Doyle/Wash or Doyle/Spock? Why?
Actually, Doyle and Wash would be the first crossover in the history of fandom that I would find too adorable to put up a fight about.

What would happen if V walked in on Rorschach and Dr. Horrible having sex?
V would laugh maniacally and alliterate, but I think we need to discuss the likelihood of Rorschach having sex with ANYONE, including Dr. Horrible. Plus, he's a VILLAIN.

Make up a summary for a Sylar/Spock fic.
Sylar's inexperience with time travel lands him in the future on the Enterprise, where McCoy tries to 'cure him' of his illness. I'm sure something like this exists.

Is there any such thing as Ianto/House fluff?
I'd like to keep Ianto AWAY from House, if that's OK with you. House would be super mean to him. Although that is sort of hot. NO. I will not start liking crossover fic. STOP IT.

Suggest a title for a V/Dr. Horrible hurt/comfort fic.
'Violent Vindications.'

What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Alpha to deflower Ianto?
Um. Um. I... I don't think this meme is good for me. Because I'm giggling. Because Alpha/Ianto? DAMN. As long as Alpha let Ianto live. To answer your question, Torchwood investigates Dollhouse.

Does anyone on your friends list read V slash?
I don't think it exists.

Does anyone on your friends list read Sylar het?
I can't find any. I mean, it's all sticking Sylar with Peter, which is gross.

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Snape?
Not that I know of, but people OFF my friends' list do.

Would anyone on your friends list write Rorschach/Alpha/Doyle?
Stop trying to corrupt Rorschach! He has ENOUGH STRESS! But could we make him and Alpha have a smackdown? And Doyle could be snarky and hilarious over in the corner?

To answer your question, no.

What might Spock scream at a moment of great passion?
"3.14159265..."

If you wrote a song-fic about House, which song would you choose?
"Walter Reed."

If you wrote a Ianto/Spider/Dr. Horrible fic, what would the warnings be?
Drugs, angst, druggy angst, language.

What might be a good pick-up line for Rorschach to use on Spock?
"Hurm. Don't understand humans."

When was the last time you read a fic about Doyle?
Ages. Nobody writes it anymore, and too many put him with Spike, which ALSO bugs me.

What is Spider's super-sekrit kink?
Please. You think he has ANY sekrit kinks? Maybe snuggling.

Would Snape shag Wash? Drunk or sober?
No. Snape does not shag. He sulks.

If Sylar and V get together, who tops?
Dammit, I have no idea. I think there'd be a lot of fighting over that.

"Ianto and Wash are in a happy relationship until Wash suddenly runs off with Alpha. Ianto, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Snape and a brief unhappy affair with Dr. Horrible, then follows the wise advice of Doyle and finds true love with Sylar.” What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
I'd give this title the OMFGWTFBBQ title. I'd read it, though. Because it SORT OF WORKS. But Wash would never do that to Ianto. But now I totally want Ianto to babysit Sylar. 'Now, Gabriel, I've organized all the people you're interested in by power. No, it's not a power, it's simple organization. Stop looking at my forehead. No, really, it's not cute.'

I don't know if anyone would read this.

I don't know if anyone would write this. WTF? REALLY.

How would you feel if V/House was canon?
Secretly delighted.

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 13:46:28 GMT

1. Ianto Jones

2. Walter Kovacs/Rorschach

3. Sylar/Gabriel Gray

4. Alpha

5. Allen Doyle

6. Spider Jerusalem

7. V

8. Greg House

9. Wash

10. Spock

11. Severus Snape

12. Billy Buddy/Dr. Horrible

Have you ever read a Spider Jerusalem/Severus Snape fic? Do you want to?
No. I don't think Spider/Snape fic exists. I hope it doesn't. Can you IMAGINE that? Snape would curse Spider's penis and Spider would disrupt Snape's bowels.

Do you think Alpha is hot? How hot?
Yes. Alpha is always hot. Violently hot.

What would happen if Dr. Horrible got House pregnant?
Actually, 'House' would be far more interesting. Can we make this happen?

'BWAHAHAHA!'

'Billy. I need more Vicodin. Your stupidity is hurting the baby.'

Can you rec any fic(s) about Wash?
Not really, Wash fic tends to make me sob or be maudlin.

Would Rorschach and Spider make a good couple?
Rorschach and Spider? Haven't I already stated that I have huge problems with even JOKING about this? No. Spider would do and say awful, obscene things, and Rorschach would eventually snap in the Brave New World and hide under the Maker until it gave him sugar cubes.

Doyle/Wash or Doyle/Spock? Why?
Actually, Doyle and Wash would be the first crossover in the history of fandom that I would find too adorable to put up a fight about.

What would happen if V walked in on Rorschach and Dr. Horrible having sex?
V would laugh maniacally and alliterate, but I think we need to discuss the likelihood of Rorschach having sex with ANYONE, including Dr. Horrible. Plus, he's a VILLAIN.

Make up a summary for a Sylar/Spock fic.
Sylar's inexperience with time travel lands him in the future on the Enterprise, where McCoy tries to 'cure him' of his illness. I'm sure something like this exists.

Is there any such thing as Ianto/House fluff?
I'd like to keep Ianto AWAY from House, if that's OK with you. House would be super mean to him. Although that is sort of hot. NO. I will not start liking crossover fic. STOP IT.

Suggest a title for a V/Dr. Horrible hurt/comfort fic.
'Violent Vindications.'

What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Alpha to deflower Ianto?
Um. Um. I... I don't think this meme is good for me. Because I'm giggling. Because Alpha/Ianto? DAMN. As long as Alpha let Ianto live. To answer your question, Torchwood investigates Dollhouse.

Does anyone on your friends list read V slash?
I don't think it exists.

Does anyone on your friends list read Sylar het?
I can't find any. I mean, it's all sticking Sylar with Peter, which is gross.

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Snape?
Not that I know of, but people OFF my friends' list do.

Would anyone on your friends list write Rorschach/Alpha/Doyle?
Stop trying to corrupt Rorschach! He has ENOUGH STRESS! But could we make him and Alpha have a smackdown? And Doyle could be snarky and hilarious over in the corner?

To answer your question, no.

What might Spock scream at a moment of great passion?
"3.14159265..."

If you wrote a song-fic about House, which song would you choose?
"Walter Reed."

If you wrote a Ianto/Spider/Dr. Horrible fic, what would the warnings be?
Drugs, angst, druggy angst, language.

What might be a good pick-up line for Rorschach to use on Spock?
"Hurm. Don't understand humans."

When was the last time you read a fic about Doyle?
Ages. Nobody writes it anymore, and too many put him with Spike, which ALSO bugs me.

What is Spider's super-sekrit kink?
Please. You think he has ANY sekrit kinks? Maybe snuggling.

Would Snape shag Wash? Drunk or sober?
No. Snape does not shag. He sulks.

If Sylar and V get together, who tops?
Dammit, I have no idea. I think there'd be a lot of fighting over that.

"Ianto and Wash are in a happy relationship until Wash suddenly runs off with Alpha. Ianto, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Snape and a brief unhappy affair with Dr. Horrible, then follows the wise advice of Doyle and finds true love with Sylar.” What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
I'd give this title the OMFGWTFBBQ title. I'd read it, though. Because it SORT OF WORKS. But Wash would never do that to Ianto. But now I totally want Ianto to babysit Sylar. 'Now, Gabriel, I've organized all the people you're interested in by power. No, it's not a power, it's simple organization. Stop looking at my forehead. No, really, it's not cute.'

I don't know if anyone would read this.

I don't know if anyone would write this. WTF? REALLY.

How would you feel if V/House was canon?
Secretly delighted.

World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:07:25 GMT

The newest episode of our podcast, World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, is up and running. Go listen, unless you are a horrible person. Then - well, you should still listen. Because it's that good.

Fanfiction: Cookies In The Elevator Shaft

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:53:32 GMT

Title: Cookies In The Elevator Shaft
Wordcount: 978
Pairing: Roschach and Viedt bond in an elevator.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Watchmen. If I did, majorly different ending. With sugar cubes and HAPPY and no DEVASTATING AGONY THAT RIPS THE SOUL- Please don't sue me.
Summary: Another crack!fic. Rorschach and Viedt get stuck in an elevator, and chat.
Notes: You can blame this one on deutschtard .
Prompt: 2 characters end up trapped in an elevator with cookies and a briefcase with mysterious contents.
Then again, I DID ask for a prompt. I am accepting any and all weird/funny prompts. But I won't be held responsible for the results.

"All your fault."
“So you said.”
“Not my fault.”
“No one said it was.”
“All your fault.”
"You've said that repeatedly, Rorschach."
"Hurm. Still true."
"I don't understand why you're so upset."
"In an elevator."
"Yes, I am aware, thank you."
"In BROKEN elevator. Stuck."
"I think I deduced that myself when you tried to open the doors."
"Would have worked, Veidt."
"You would have plummeted to your death."
"Like elevators."
"So I've heard.”
“Useful. Underappreciated tools.”
“I’ll have to keep that in mind. What was that?"
"Hungry."
“That was your stomach? They probably heard that upstairs.”
“No time to eat earlier.”
"So you do eat."
"Am human."
"I wonder sometimes."
"All your fault, Veidt."
"I do wish you'd stop saying that. I've contacted Nite Owl, and he will be extracting us as soon as he can get here. In the meantime, why don't we just chat?"
"Should be investigating evidence. What's in briefcase?"
"I don't know. I grabbed it right before they threw the dynamite."
"Should have followed my plan."
"Your plan involved decapitating the leader of the gang with a pencil."
"Would have worked. Would- WHAT'S THAT?"
"Mmfmm?"
"Eating something. Mouth full. Not sharing. Very rude. COOKIE. MY COOKIE."
"It's MY COOKIE. I brought it from home, and I'm hungry."
"Need strength. Want. Cookie."
"Look, I only have a few-"
"EHHHNK."
"That is an extremely inappropriate sound, Rorschach."
"Veidt-"
"Fine, fine. Take one."
"Hurm."
"Now, about this briefcase - What are you DOING? That's REPULSIVE."
"Disgusting."
"It's an organic carob-tofu cookie with protein enhancers. It's very good for you."
"Tastes like liberal excrement. Want real cookie."
"Perhaps there are some in the briefcase."
"Sarcasm not appreciated. Probably made with Communist butter."
"Fine, but must you SPIT everywhere?"
"Yes."
"They did seem rather anxious to keep this briefcase out of our hands. Let's see what we've got."
"Shouldn't open."
"And why not?"
"Could be trap. Could be trick. Could be bomb. Could be- Water?"
"I don't think there's water in the briefcase."
"Thought were smartest man in world. Asking for water."
"Wading through the jungle of your grammatical mistakes troubles even my mind. And no, I didn't bring any water."
"Mouth tastes like gay."
"Too easy."
"What?"
"I'm opening the briefcase."
"Could blow up and kill us. Don't want to die with taste of bad cookies in mouth."
"Will you forget about the damn cookies, Rorschach? Most likely it's drugs or money, which we can give to the police to aid their search."
"Don't like police."
"They’re not fond of you, either. Maybe you should stop disparaging them in public."
“Wouldn’t disparage police if not populated with incompetent, immoral, Pinkos.”
“Yes, they really are asking for it.”
"Assumed rich people ate good cookies."
"Rorschach, I'm begging you, forget about the cookies. I.... Oh."
"What?"
"Nothing. Would you like another cookie?"
"Opened briefcase. Want to see."
"No, no. You need to masticate the cookie thoroughly to get the real taste. Here, try another."
"Bomb?"
"No, it's nothing. Nothing at ALL."
"Need to know. Could be important."
"Rorschach, trust me, you don't need to know about this. It's nothing."
"Face red. Lying. Dislike liars."
"You don't like me already."
"Irrelevant. Give briefcase."
"Do you really want to fight with me over a briefcase?"
"Nothing else to do."
"Rorschach...."
"Tell me."
"Let's talk about something. Do you like to read? Do you enjoy Hemmingway?"
"Drunk philanderer. Briefcase."
"What about Fitzgerald?"
"Drunk, weepy, liberal philanderer. Briefcase."
"Um..."
"Briefcase."
"I could just say no until Nite Owl gets us. Which should be very soon."
"Don't care."
"What was that?"
"Don't distract."
"I-"
"EEhhhnkk-"
"I TOLD you not to look in there."
"Oh... Uh."
"You wanted to know. You HAD to know."
"Don't understand.”
“Please don’t make me explain this.”
“Not THAT. Looks like Nite Owl."
"It's supposed to be Nite Owl."
"No clothes."
"Yes, that's the appeal."
"People buy this... filth? Naked drawings of Da-Nite Owl? Why?"
"Masked heroes appeal to a wide variety of people, Rorschach. Goes with the business.
"Inappropriate. INAPPROPRIATE."
"And he's off."
"Nite Owl good man. Moral. Would NOT do that with toilet brush."
"It's certainly not healthy."
"Not just Nite Owl. You! With Bubastis?"
"It's popular. I’ve heard. Stop looking at me like that."
"Must stop. Must stop at once. Debasing masked heroes. Filth. FILTH. Immoral, depraved creatures tarnishing nobility of cause. Naked Nite Owl, Naked Ozymandias, Naked Doctor Manhattan-"
"He's always naked."
"NOT POINT. NOT POINT AT ALL."
"OK!"
“You, NAKED. In hot tub.”
“I find it flattering.”
"Ignoring that. Deviant. Naked Comedian-"
"Oh?"
"DOESN'T USE CIGAR THAT WAY. UNINFORMED ARTIST. MUST HAVE WORD WITH THEM. MANY WORDS. VIOLENT WORDS."
"Rorschach, maybe you've looked enough in there."
"Can handle any depravity. Can deal - WHAT IS THIS?"
"That's you.... and, oh my, Silk Spectre."
"EYES BURNING."
"This artist seems to think she's quite... flexible."
"LEGS DON'T EVEN BEND THAT WAY. PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE."
"The artist was very generous with you."
"STOP SPEAKING OF NETHER REGION. PRIVATE. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT."
"Rorschach, calm down."
“CAN SEE YOU THINKING ABOUT IT.”
“There’s so much!”
"TOO MUCH NAKED. WHY WITH HER?"
"Don't know. Guess people find it.... erotic."
"FILTH. FILTH."
"What are you doing?"
"Must destroy immediately. Must burn. Fire cleanses. Fire cleanses. No nudity in fire. Taking briefcase with me. Don't mention. Especially-“
“Nite Owl!”
"Hey guys."
"Nice of you to stop by."
"Sorry, it was hard to get this thing opened. Looks like someone was banging up against it. You guys all right?"
"Fine, Nite Owl."
"What's in the briefcase?"
"NOTHING. NO BRIEFCASE. NEVER WAS A BRIEFCASE. BRIEFCASE IS LIE."
"O.....K......."
"Well, that was eventful."
"Ozy, is he all right?"
"Rorschach? He'll be fine. It may take a few days for him to wrap his mind around what he's seen, but I think it will all be for the best."
"What was in the briefcase, anyway?"
"Cookies."

x-posted a bit.

Fanfiction: Rorschach Plus 8

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 04:22:22 GMT

Title: Rorschach + 8
Wordcount: 2,670
Pairing: Dan/Rorschach if you squint real hard. Like, REAL hard.
Rating: PG (for children with unsafe guardians)
Summary: A crack!fic, plain and simple. Maybe some fluff? I do not know. What would happen if Rorschach brought home eight little kids? The answer: Anarchy.
Notes: This is entirely danceswithelvis 's fault. Really. Blame her. She BRIBED ME to write this, my first fanfic in DONKEY YEARS. She's all sorts of awesome.
Also I don't watch the show the kids are loosely based on (Jon and Kate Plus Eight), so I made changes. Also I didn't want to directly base the kids on Real Kids. So except for their being eight of them, and some references to the parents, these kids exist only in my mind.

"Oh, hell."

"Daniel. Getting late. Wondered where you'd been."

"Oh, hell." It seemed the only thing to say.

Daniel knew he should be beyond surprise. When your closest friend is a paranoid vigilante who half the time you aren't sure you even like, 'surprise' should not be a part of your vocabulary.

But this... Daniel tried again.

"Rorschach... I...."

"Got groceries. Running low on supplies." Rorschach plucked a bag of potato chips from the bag and made a noise. "Overpriced. Shouldn't use the bodega down the street. Suspect illegal immigrants are employed."

"I... There..." Daniel was having problems forming sentences. He put the bags of groceries carefully down on the table. Can I ask a question?" Rorschach cocked his head.

"Just did." Daniel ignored this.

"Did you kidnap a kindergarten class? And decide to store them in my house? For reasons that I couldn't possibly begin to comprehend?"

Because there were children. In his townhouse. Running around his kitchen like a mad pack of... small loud things. There were girls in bright dresses pulling each other's hair, and several boys engaged in a thorough investigation of the contents of his cabinets. Rorschach had been sitting at Daniel's kitchen table. Reading. Like this was a normal sort of day. Maybe it was. Daniel had learned not to delve too deeply into Rorschach's personal life.

Rorschach, meanwhile, had pulled back his mask and was busily scarfing down Daniel's potato chips.

"Not a kindergarten class. Siblings." This seemed unlikely. There were an awful lot of kids.

"There are eight."

Rorschach looked at the herd of children as if the precise number had never struck him.

"Hurm. Yes. Excessive. Clearly parents had compulsive issues."

"Hey! HEY! You!" He pointed at one of the girls. "What's her name?" Rorschach shrugged and sat back down at the table.

"Been calling her Debbie." Daniel stared at Rorschach.

"Debbie?"

"Good name. Moral."

"I feel like I'm insane."

"Should exercise more. Endorphins keep mind clear."

"Debbie, get off the table!" Daniel ran over and scooped the squirming girl away from the edge. She couldn't be older than eight. Funny how that number kept coming up. He deposited her on the floor. She kicked him in the shin and ran to one of her brothers.

"Dammit, Rorschach, why did you steal a herd of kids?"

"Didn't steal. Saved. And shouldn't curse around children. Bad influence."

"Why. Are. There. Children. In. My. House." Daniel heard a crash from the living room. He willed himself not to go look. Rorschach cocked his head.

"Mother was money-grubbing whore. Father weak-willed and immoral. Chased after women with no regard for family. Clearly best thing for them was rescue."

Daniel glanced down at a little boy who was listening intently. And eating something that looked like part of a hardcover ornithology book. He turned back to Rorschach, who was dumping the crumbs from the bag into his mouth.

"Are the parents... OK?" He worded the sentence as delicately as he could. The mask shifted, became a bomb going off, and Rorschach's attention was elsewhere.

"Harry eating paste." If it hadn't been Rorschach, Dan would have bet all his money that the guy was amused. He ran to another little boy, identical to the one at his feet, only this one was industriously eating glue from Daniel's cabinet.

"Harry! Put that down!" He snatched it away. The boy glared at him reproachfully.

"I want to go home! And my name is Michael." Daniel looked at Rorschach blankly. Rorschach made a noise.

"Name is Harry now. Better name."

"Rorschach, you can't go changing their names." Rorschach ignored him. Were they really discussing parenting? Maybe Daniel HAD gone mad.

"Harry had an accident in bedroom," Rorschach said, rummaging through the groceries again. "Also, ice cream melting." Daniel looked at the paste-covered boy.

"You said that one was Harry."

"Yes." Rorschach was eating his ice cream. With a spoon, at least.

"He's not in the bathroom."

"Other Harry, obviously."

"They're BOTH Harry?" Daniel was developing a headache. Rorschach nodded. There was an interesting mix of potato chip crumbs and vanilla ice cream surrounding his mouth, mixed in with red stubble. It was quite a look.

"All boys are Harry. All girls are Debbie. Much more sensible. Easier to remember."

"Rorschach..." No. Focus. Deal with your ex-partner's strange naming proclivities later.

"How did you GET them all here?" One of the girls - Debbie, Daniel supposed miserably - tugged at Rorschach's sleeve.

"Can I have some ice cream?" Rorschach considered the question.

"No. Mine."

"It's MINE," said Daniel. One of the other Harrys was drawing on the wall with a pen. Rorschach clutched the container of ice cream closer to his chest. The child's eyes filled with tears. Daniel stepped in to intervene. But before he could, Rorschach was digging through the groceries again, and pulling out a box of cookies.

"Here," he said gruffly. "Go sit in corner." The girl's face lit up and she scurried off. Rorschach returned his attention to Daniel, whose jaw was hanging open.

"Parents did poor job of instilling healthy fear of strangers with sweets." Daniel composed himself and took a moment to translate.

"You bribed them with sugar cubes." Rorschach nodded.

"Need more now. You bought some?" Sometimes the man had the attention of a hyperactive squirrel.

"Rorschach, I-" Daniel noticed the kitchen was less crowded, and did a quick head count. "Wait, there's only six." He pointed at the little girl not stuffing her face with cookies. "You! Uh..."

"Debbie," supplied Rorschach helpfully.

"Rorschach, her name is not Debbie!"

"He can call me Debbie," said the little girl. She grinned at Rorschach. "He's funny."

Rorschach failed to find this flattering.

"Not funny. Not funny at all."

"She meant it as a compliment."

"Instrument of justice. Not funny." Rorschach wiped his mouth with his sleeve and pulled his mask back down. He seemed put out.

"Debbie," said Daniel, "where are... the two of you that aren't here?" Debbie couldn't tear her eyes away from Rorschach. He shifted in his seat.

"They went downstairs," she said. Daniel ducked as one of the boys decided to use a bowl for pitching practice.

"Rorschach, go get them before they blow up Archie. Or themselves. I need to get these six under control." Rorschach made a show of standing up.

"Need to go, actually." Daniel grabbed his arm. Rorschach stared at his hand, perfectly still. Daniel removed it, but did not back away.

"What? No. No. You are not the Pied Piper. You don't get to dump these kids here and run off."

"Not parental." That was an understatement.

"Debbie likes you." Debbie was hugging Rorschach's leg, actually, a fact which Rorschach was going to ignore for as long as possible.

"Stop smiling," he ordered Daniel. To the little girl he said, "Release leg."

"Go get those kids," said Daniel. "Please! Harry... three? Harry Three, sit down and stop chewing on things that aren't food."

Rorschach mumbled something, disentangled Debbie from his leg, and stomped downstairs.

************

Rorschach came upstairs with a child under each arm. None of the three were happy.

"Put me down, you bully!" yelled Harry, waving his little legs. He reminded Daniel of Big Figure.

"I want Mommy!" wailed Debbie. This one was not enamored with Rorschach, and was trying to bite his wrist. He put down both children and backed away. The Debbie who liked Rorschach pouted.

"Why don't you carry ME?"

"I want Mommy!" insisted the sobbing Debbie.

"Mother is bad."

"You're mean!"

"Not mean." Rorschach sounded wounded. Daniel was doing his very best not to find this funny. He'd gotten the other five settled in front of the TV for the moment. Once the cartoon ended, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. Only Debbie Who Liked Rorschach had remained. She had also reattached herself to his leg.

"We need to send them home, Rorschach."

"Not an option." He wriggled his leg. Another Harry wandered back into the kitchen.

"I like it here," he offered. "It's like camp. There's even beans!" Rorschach's head whipped in his direction.

"My beans."

"Rorschach, calm down." Daniel didn't think for one moment that Rorschach would physically hurt a small child. Then again, Rorschach could probably find a nonviolent way to make sure the kid had a lifelong fear of legumes.

"Shouldn't eat other people's food," insisted Rorschach. Daniel lost his temper.

"They're MY beans, and I can feed your liberated child army if I want." Rorschach hurmed, and pointed accusingly at the Harry he'd removed from the basement.

"This one wet." Daniel looked down. The child was indeed soaked from the waist down.

"Aren't you potty trained?" Harry folded his arms and gave Daniel a very familiar glare.

"He pushed me into a puddle." Rorschach was suddenly very interested in his gloves. Daniel stared at him

"Rorschach, you pushed him into a puddle? In the basement?"

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Liar. Lying is wrong. Very wrong. Hints at Communist sympathies. Was surprised from behind. Dodged attack. Child ended up in puddle." The Harry from the Living Room - Daniel had a full-on migraine - smiled up at Rorschach.

"Your mask is pretty."

"Sounds homosexual. No longer Harry."

"But I like being Harry!"

"He said you're not Harry," said Leg-Debbie. "Be quiet. He's the boss now."

"Rorschach," said Daniel.

"Children disobeying. Hurm." He dragged his child-heavy leg to the counter. Daniel waited. "What happened to sugar?"

"They ate it."

"All?"

"Yeah, Rorschach. I don't have enough food to feed them all. I went out to get some chicken. For one. They've already eaten all the cereal.

"Give them coffee."

"You can't give little kids coffee, Rorschach."

"Why?" There was a note in his usually monotone voice that made Daniel very nervous.

"You gave them coffee?"

"Were hungry. Had pot left on stove." Daniel heard an ominous giggle from the living room. The gang was too quiet.

"Oh Jesus Christ, Rorschach, no wonder they- Debbie, put your dress back on!" Leg Debbie, for reasons known only in her own small mind, had removed her dress. Clad only in a slip, she resumed hugging Rorschach's leg. Rorschach frantically twisted the offending limb away.

"Debbie indecent. Mother corrupted her." It almost looked like Rorschach was dancing. Badly. He was doing his best to get Leg Debbie off without hurting her. Oddly enough, the rocking seemed to be lulling her to sleep. She was sagging against his knee with a peaceful smile on her face. And she seemed to be drooling quite a lot. Daniel knew if he smiled, Rorschach would kill him as soon as the children were distracted by television or cookies.

"She's a little kid. They do things like that. It's not a mark of morality."

"Nudity not acceptable," snarled Rorschach. Leg Debbie snored. "Make it go away," he pleaded.

"The nudity or the kid?" Oh, Daniel was going to die a slow and painful sort of death for this. Rorschach's glare could have burned the mask away. The inkblots were shifting and swirling with unusual speed.

"Daniel. Small person. Get. Off." Leg Debbie stirred after a particularly hard kick and grinned sleepily at Rorschach.

"I love you." Rorschach had not panicked when Big Figure had tried to take him down, or when a gang of knot-tops had cornered him in a dark alley. But this little girl declaring her devotion had the vigilante as freaked out as Daniel had ever seen him. Not that anyone but Daniel could probably tell.

"Let go," he ordered Leg Debbie. She nuzzled his knee and fell back to sleep. The Child Formerly Known as Harry tapped Rorschach on the arm.

"Can I wear your mask?" Rorschach sat down. Leg Debbie didn't stir.

"Face," he corrected wearily. TCFKAH was not to be deterred.

"Can I wear your face?"

"No." TCFKAH must have heard him say, "Yes, absolutely," because he climbed into Rorschach's lap and reached for the mask. Any adult who tried such a thing would have died instantly. In this case, Rorschach picked up the boy and put him back down on the floor. The boy immediately began climbing up Rorschach again, using his sleeping sister for balance. Rorschach looked at his former partner. "Daniel, make it stop."

"You wanted to take them," pointed out Daniel. Rorschach put TCFKAH on the floor again. The boy started climbing again. There was definitely something familiar about that stubbornness.

"Assumed you would handle situation," said Rorschach.

"They like you!" Rorschach ehhnnked and held the boy at arm's length.

"Stop touching," he said. "Very rude. Also hands are sticky." This from a guy who was nearly phobic of water.

"When did you get so finicky?" Rorschach dropped the boy gently onto the ground and pointed behind Daniel.

"Debbie is ripping calendar." Another Debbie had emerged from the living room, and was indeed destroying his calendar. The cartoon must be over. At least the other kids were quiet.

"Aww, I just bought that! Debbie, no!" He snatched it away from her.

"My name is Lisa," she replied, as if he were an idiot.

"Name is Debbie," corrected Rorschach, who now had two children scrambling up him, and a third happily drooling on his knee. "Debbie Dreiburg."

"Now hold on a minute..." began Daniel. Rorschach took TCFKAH by the arm.

"Small person named Harry. Stop trying to remove face." He turned around to see the little girl with her arms around his neck. "Debbie, stop helping. Not pleased."

"You said I couldn't be Harry. Because I'm a homashicle."

"Can be Harry if stop touching mask." Rorschach was learning about parenting.

"I wanna be a vijylantee!!" sulked Debbie, howling directly into his ear. Rorschach shook his head, and Debbie released her hold on him.

"Too young. Also motor skills not fully defined. Takes years.... Daniel, what's it doing?"

"Crying, Rorschach."

"Why?"

"You're mean! I wanna be a vijylantee and you're being mean because I'm a girl."

"Not true," protested Rorschach. "Women vigilantes. Can be good. If not corrupt. Just too young." There was a herd of children around Rorschach. Daniel wished he had a camera. Debbie continued to wail.

"Maybe you should bring them home. Before the cops start to wonder how I acquired so many children." Rorschach hesitated. That in and of itself was an unusual event.

"Parents still unsuitable," he said.

"Well, I bet losing their kids for a few hours has taught them a valuable lesson," said Daniel, praying to any god out there that Rorschach had satisfied whatever inner voice had compelled him to open up a Mad Vigilante Daycare.

Rorschach looked at the half-dressed drooling girl on his leg.

"May have acted prematurely," he admitted. "Will return children. But keep eye on parents. Behavior must improve, or authorities will be alerted."

"Great idea!" said Daniel. "The best. Can you get them home?"

"Yes," said Rorschach. He stood up and eased Leg Debbie's grip until he could hold her awkwardly in his arms. "Harry. Debbie. Home now." Amazingly, the seven other children swarmed around him. Daniel was sure there was a parable in this, but it was buried under too much crazy.

"Where's dress?" Rorschach asked, indicating the unconscious girl.

"One of the other's took it into the living room," said Daniel. "Wait here. I'll get it." He rushed in, anxious to get these kids the hell out of his hou-

Daniel's scream made Rorschach jump. He eyed the Debbie who seemed in charge.

"Explanation?"

"He made a mud pie." She pointed at her brother, who nodded cheerfully. Rorschach pondered this for a second.

"Where did you get mud?" The little girl opened her mouth, and Rorschach raised a gloved hand.

"Stop. Understand. Have to leave immediately."

"RORSCHACH!"

"Busy, Daniel."

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE KIDS SMEARED ON MY TV?"

"Returning children, Daniel. Very busy. Harry, move faster. Lesson in vigilante justice. Move faster. No. Don't look back. Stop crying. Will reward no crying with sugar."

Daniel's scream of anguish followed them out of the apartment. And, thought Rorschach, wait until he sees what they did to Archie.

New Blog Entry: Were I Unwed I Would Take You In A Manly Fashion.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:58:42 GMT

Were I Unwed I Would Take You In A Manly Fashion.

In which ElleVee:
- Had better not ever meet Zack Snyder, because she will scream and cry and curse Blu-Ray, and that would be awkward.
- Likes some cool tattoos.
- Thinks the Pac-Man candy holders are cooler than the candies themselves.
- Predicts death for whoever makes The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly comic.
- Finds proof that real life imitates cartoons.
- Snuggles Mondays.
- Wants to chill with James Joyce.
- Almost finishes her Vampire Novel, so directs you to other vampire franchises.
- Has found her career as a Brandystripper.
- Cannot wait for the Spiderman Musical to destroy civilization as we know it.
- Won't bother trying to make her own sunscreen, because she will accidentally make a chemical that destroys the world.
- Is still scared shitless of Are You Afraid of the Dark?.
- Gives up on all network news.
- Thinks that maybe Banksy is a SECRET ninja.
- Tried to make a joke about Chris Pine and Shatner, but it just got kind of gross and uncomfortable, so she let it go.

New Blog Entry: LISTEN TO THE CHAIR-LEG OF TRUTH! IT DOES NOT LIE!

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:23:23 GMT

LISTEN TO THE CHAIR-LEG OF TRUTH! IT DOES NOT LIE!

In which ElleVee:
- Is rendered speechless by David Beckham.
- Will not apologize for her Harry Potter fandom, and if you don't like it, you can go choke on your sparkly vampires, you NEOPHYTES.
- Is going to get a visit from child service, very soon.
- Supports Bruno.
- Hopes that maybe the giant spiders and ants will just all kill each other.
- Has a crush on most of the male cast of Heroes. Except Peter Petrelli. He's a wuss.
- Convinces you to start smoking.
- Hopes that the forces of evil cancel each other out.
- Cries over Doctor Who, yet again.
- Gets all girlish whenever Quentin Tarantino is mentioned.
- Wants makeup that makes her pretty AND can set shit on fire.
- Just likes Lady Gaga, OK?
- Points out the logistical problems with a wall of plugs, especially of Doctor Gregory House stops by.

New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Doesn't Use Pickup Lines. He Simply Says, 'Now.'

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:12:25 GMT

Bruce Campbell Doesn't Use Pickup Lines. He Simply Says, 'Now.'

In which ElleVee:
- Laughs at everyone, ever.
- Went to school with every art school stereotype, ever.
- Doesn't see the problem with driving a bathtub.
- Laughs at the pain of children.
- Plans on stealing from libraries, for America.
- Looks forward to a world inhabited by future space vampires.
- Envisions a wonderful life with Russell Brand.
- Has no more panic left to waste on shitty stores.
- Celebrates America, with these fine American fellows:
* Alan Tudyk
* Hunter S. Thompson
* Robert Downey, Jr.
* Jackie Earle Haley
* Zachary Quinto
* Bruce Campbell
- Cannot imagine a world without Sarah Palin and her crazy.

New Blog Entry: You Don't Fire Crazy. You Never Fire Crazy.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:05:57 GMT

You Don't Fire Crazy. You Never Fire Crazy.

In which ElleVee:
- Does not get her daily serving of Freakangels.
- Bows down to her ant overlords.
- Loves Ricky Gervais.
- Fears airplanes.
- Wants to push those buttons on the TARDIS.
- Accepts that her state has no good drivers.
- Will survive the zombie apocalypse.
- Does not like this dress.
- Loves guitars.
- Finds traffic seekers adorable.
- Relates everything to Watchmen.
- Will always have a crush on Ewan McGregor.
- Can't decide how she feels about Invader Zim tattoos.
- Will take a stand against chickens being poisoned.

New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Is The Reason Why Waldo Is Hiding.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:33:49 GMT

Bruce Campbell Is The Reason Why Waldo Is Hiding.

In which ElleVee:
- Cheerfully predicts Bruce Campbell enacting bloody retribution.
- Fails to imagine anything more perfect than Sylar and a kitty.
- Doesn't get why werewolves always look slimy in bad werewolf movies.
- Throws up in her mind over Star Trek porn. BAD Star Trek porn.
- Asks many pertinent questions about Torchwood.
- Hates CNN and their bullshit slogans.
- Automatically likes anyone who makes Bill O'Reilly drool on himself.
- Will get over her fear of falling from a great height just to go to the new observation deck on the Sear's Tower.
- Is perfectly willing to be a bride of convenience, for Nintendo Shoes.
- Would appreciate it if the right-wing hateful lunatics stopped killing people.
- Thinks Terry Gilliam needs a hug.
- Wants ALL the Harry Potter stuff, and YOU can't have any.
- Kindly suggests that if you buy someone the Pink Ouija board, you can fuck right off.
- Still misses Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor. Even if she does love David Tennant. TEAM NINE.
- Answers a troubling question about the gaseous emissions of birds.

New Blog Entry: Hey What Kinda Party Is This? There's No Booze & Only 1 Hooker.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:30:40 GMT

Hey What Kinda Party Is This? There's No Booze & Only 1 Hooker.

In which ElleVee:
- Will one day open a daycare based on the teachings of Bender from Futurama.
- Believes in your First Amendment right to be a complete asshole, but humbly suggests that first you figure out how to use your Email.
- Would pay serious money to watch Sarah Palin & Barack Obama in a foot-race.
- Wishes her mayor would wander around naked & drunk.
- Doesn't want to stick a tiny dog in her head.
- Understands that if you panic in crisis situations, you might need a tattoo to remind yourself of how to react.
- Laughs at the laughing apes.
- No longer finds Michael Bay and his bullshit shenanigans amusing, OK?
- Needs you to buy this dress for her, & if you don't, you hate America.
- Likes the idea of little adorable children singing songs she enjoys.
- Posts ANOTHER link to the International Society of Supervillains, & promises she is not getting paid for this advertising.
- Explains the horrors that will be visited upon you if you do not vote for Watchmen.
- Would like to meet the person who would let Bruno fix their TV.
- Is sad for the rat tattoo of rape.
- Proves that Obama is a bad president because of what's in his tummy.
- Kind of farts out on the Comics section.
- Finds a really creepy pool hall.
- Offers a clever way to catch yourself a sexy vampire.
- Likes when cool stuff joins forces with other cool stuff, especially when it involves Dave Eggers & Spike Jonze & Where The Wild Things Are.

New Blog Entry: Some People Juggle Geese!

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:20:17 GMT

Some People Juggle Geese!

In which ElleVee:
- Cannot express her disappointment over Mark Sandford not being a secret ninja.
- Enjoys the pain of others in gift card form.
- Isn't going to be fooled by those zombie sympathizers.
- Will never get over the terror of seeing a cow eat a chick.
- Proves that the leopard & the mouse can live in peace.
- Hopes that by posting enough links to the International Society of Supervillains' website, they will spare her life when the time comes.
- Hates it when fashion gets all insane & awful.
- Posts another Michael Jackson-related video.
- Is totally willing to be corrupted by Eric Northman, because True Blood is all about sin win.
- Sees death in tiny cute robots.
- Doesn't know why you're all sad about the end of Watchmen. Nothing bad happened. Rorschach is fine. FINE, I SAY. HE'S EATING SUGAR CUBES & NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED IN ANTARCTICA - um, here's a video about Doctor Manhattan, who never exploded someone I love.
- Has some problems with confusing fictional cities with other fictional cities that are all based on real cities.
- Will eat your keyboard.

New Blog Entry: What Can The Harvest Hope For If Not For The Care Of The Reaper Man?

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:09:49 GMT

What Can The Harvest Hope For If Not For The Care Of The Reaper Man?

In which ElleVee:
- Loves Terry Pratchett.
- Hates California, because they have EVERYTHING & it earned NOTHING.
- Knows no pain worse than that of brushing her teeth after drinking orange juice.
- Loves watching Obama beat the shit out of that evil fly.
- Thinks that maybe professional authors who get PAID to write should just calm the fuck down.
- Has proof beyond debate that the Simpsons makes everything better, even Star Trek & Heroes.
- Kind of thinks Will Smith as the depraved lead in Oldboy would be terribly amusing.
- Posts pretty much anything Zachary Quinto puts on his blog, because she is toolish.
- Needs more Alan Tudyk in her life.
- Sympathizes with Shepard Smith, which is uncomfortable for her.
- Thinks that maybe, possibly, celebrities should stop designing clothes & worry about not making shit movies, maybe.
- Believes that if you really want to punish Bernie Madoff, feed him to Rush Limbaugh.
- Misses Spirographs.
- Loves her new TJ Maxx hat so much that it warrants posting a picture online.

New Blog Entry: It's Like A Party In My Mouth & Everybody's Throwing Up!

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:01:26 GMT

It's Like A Party In My Mouth & Everybody's Throwing Up!

In which ElleVee:
- Learns about onions & bees.
- Really liked Scream, & does not want to have to retroactively hate the series.
- Does not endorse the Stretch Armstrong movie.
- Reimagines Macbeth, badly.
- Is terrified of what Burger King hath wrought.
- Manages to connect exercising & saving money with cannibalism.
- Wants Boots of Irony.
- Fears the creature known as ManGaga.
- Thinks most problems in life could be solved by the International Society of Supervillains.
- Is not ass enough to ever question Jackie Earle Haley.
- Drools over Sam Trammell, AKA Sam Merlotte.
- Is perplexed by boob tattoos.
- Understands the nuances of James Bond.

New Blog Entry: Fandom Rules

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:54:26 GMT

Fandom Rules

In which ElleVee:
- Posts rules for many fandoms, including:
- Fanfiction
- Heroes
- Firefly
- Serenity
- Doctor Who
- Star Trek
- Watchmen
- V For Vendetta
- Lord of the Rings
- Harry Potter
- Dollhouse

New Blog Entry: Okay. I'm Lost I'm Angry & Um I'm Armed.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:51:48 GMT

Okay. I'm Lost I'm Angry & Um I'm Armed.

In which ElleVee:
- Has a very long-winded excuse for being lazy.
- Secretly wishes there was Watchmen makeup.
- Fears the power of Rush Limbaugh's crazy.
- Admires Dr. Tiller.
- Stresses the importance of proper grammar.
- Refuses to get over her fear of flying.
- Ends up sort of endorsing child abuse, but just the funny kind.
- Needs a sword to fight zombies.
- Sincerely thanks the universe for Robert Downey, Jr. and his arms.

New Blog Entry: Michael Jackson

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:01:28 GMT

Michael Jackson

In which ElleVee:
- Remembers Michael Jackson with more fondness than she anticipated,

New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Can Watch A Season Of '24' In Just 3 Hours.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:59:43 GMT

Bruce Campbell Can Watch A Season Of '24' In Just 3 Hours.

In which ElleVee:
- Imagines a life with Bruce Campbell and alcohol.
- Asks for suggestions for her list of Fandom Rules (email her at elle.veev@gmail.com)
- Can't get over how freaking WEIRD yesterday was.
- Relies far too much on Warren Ellis for normalcy in her life.
- Does not understand this tattoo.
- Has a violence fetish, it appears.
- Wishes whoever wrote Indexed would instruct her on how to live her life.
- Can always depend on Will Arnett to make her life better.
- Appreciates anyone who tells Amazon to screw off.
- Spent time that she will never get back looking at Bruno's hairy bull-penis.
- Loves Nathan Fillion, especially naked and/or in comic form.
- Will pay any amount of money if it means Chris Pine screams.
- Learned about The IT Crowd from her uncle and cousin, who are made of win, in part because they're English.
- Can think of nothing in life that wouldn't be improved by a shiv cosy, and neither can you.