Were I Unwed I Would Take You In A Manly Fashion.
In which ElleVee:
- Had better not ever meet Zack Snyder, because she will scream and cry and curse Blu-Ray, and that would be awkward.
- Likes some cool tattoos.
- Thinks the Pac-Man candy holders are cooler than the candies themselves.
- Predicts death for whoever makes The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly comic.
- Finds proof that real life imitates cartoons.
- Snuggles Mondays.
- Wants to chill with James Joyce.
- Almost finishes her Vampire Novel, so directs you to other vampire franchises.
- Has found her career as a Brandystripper.
- Cannot wait for the Spiderman Musical to destroy civilization as we know it.
- Won't bother trying to make her own sunscreen, because she will accidentally make a chemical that destroys the world.
- Is still scared shitless of Are You Afraid of the Dark?.
- Gives up on all network news.
- Thinks that maybe Banksy is a SECRET ninja.
- Tried to make a joke about Chris Pine and Shatner, but it just got kind of gross and uncomfortable, so she let it go.
- New Blog Entry: LISTEN TO THE CHAIR-LEG OF TRUTH! IT DOES NOT LIE!
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
elle_vee- July 5th, 2009
LISTEN TO THE CHAIR-LEG OF TRUTH! IT DOES NOT LIE!
In which ElleVee:
- Is rendered speechless by David Beckham.
- Will not apologize for her Harry Potter fandom, and if you don't like it, you can go choke on your sparkly vampires, you NEOPHYTES.
- Is going to get a visit from child service, very soon.
- Supports Bruno.
- Hopes that maybe the giant spiders and ants will just all kill each other.
- Has a crush on most of the male cast of Heroes. Except Peter Petrelli. He's a wuss.
- Convinces you to start smoking.
- Hopes that the forces of evil cancel each other out.
- Cries over Doctor Who, yet again.
- Gets all girlish whenever Quentin Tarantino is mentioned.
- Wants makeup that makes her pretty AND can set shit on fire.
- Just likes Lady Gaga, OK?
- Points out the logistical problems with a wall of plugs, especially of Doctor Gregory House stops by.
- New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Doesn't Use Pickup Lines. He Simply Says, 'Now.'
-
- elle_vee
- July 5th, 2009
Bruce Campbell Doesn't Use Pickup Lines. He Simply Says, 'Now.'
In which ElleVee:
- Laughs at everyone, ever.
- Went to school with every art school stereotype, ever.
- Doesn't see the problem with driving a bathtub.
- Laughs at the pain of children.
- Plans on stealing from libraries, for America.
- Looks forward to a world inhabited by future space vampires.
- Envisions a wonderful life with Russell Brand.
- Has no more panic left to waste on shitty stores.
- Celebrates America, with these fine American fellows:
* Alan Tudyk
* Hunter S. Thompson
* Robert Downey, Jr.
* Jackie Earle Haley
* Zachary Quinto
* Bruce Campbell
- Cannot imagine a world without Sarah Palin and her crazy.
- New Blog Entry: You Don't Fire Crazy. You Never Fire Crazy.
-
- elle_vee
- July 5th, 2009
You Don't Fire Crazy. You Never Fire Crazy.
In which ElleVee:
- Does not get her daily serving of Freakangels.
- Bows down to her ant overlords.
- Loves Ricky Gervais.
- Fears airplanes.
- Wants to push those buttons on the TARDIS.
- Accepts that her state has no good drivers.
- Will survive the zombie apocalypse.
- Does not like this dress.
- Loves guitars.
- Finds traffic seekers adorable.
- Relates everything to Watchmen.
- Will always have a crush on Ewan McGregor.
- Can't decide how she feels about Invader Zim tattoos.
- Will take a stand against chickens being poisoned.
- New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Is The Reason Why Waldo Is Hiding.
-
- elle_vee
- July 2nd, 2009
Bruce Campbell Is The Reason Why Waldo Is Hiding.
In which ElleVee:
- Cheerfully predicts Bruce Campbell enacting bloody retribution.
- Fails to imagine anything more perfect than Sylar and a kitty.
- Doesn't get why werewolves always look slimy in bad werewolf movies.
- Throws up in her mind over Star Trek porn. BAD Star Trek porn.
- Asks many pertinent questions about Torchwood.
- Hates CNN and their bullshit slogans.
- Automatically likes anyone who makes Bill O'Reilly drool on himself.
- Will get over her fear of falling from a great height just to go to the new observation deck on the Sear's Tower.
- Is perfectly willing to be a bride of convenience, for Nintendo Shoes.
- Would appreciate it if the right-wing hateful lunatics stopped killing people.
- Thinks Terry Gilliam needs a hug.
- Wants ALL the Harry Potter stuff, and YOU can't have any.
- Kindly suggests that if you buy someone the Pink Ouija board, you can fuck right off.
- Still misses Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor. Even if she does love David Tennant. TEAM NINE.
- Answers a troubling question about the gaseous emissions of birds.
- New Blog Entry: Hey What Kinda Party Is This? There's No Booze & Only 1 Hooker.
-
- elle_vee
- July 1st, 2009
Hey What Kinda Party Is This? There's No Booze & Only 1 Hooker.
In which ElleVee:
- Will one day open a daycare based on the teachings of Bender from Futurama.
- Believes in your First Amendment right to be a complete asshole, but humbly suggests that first you figure out how to use your Email.
- Would pay serious money to watch Sarah Palin & Barack Obama in a foot-race.
- Wishes her mayor would wander around naked & drunk.
- Doesn't want to stick a tiny dog in her head.
- Understands that if you panic in crisis situations, you might need a tattoo to remind yourself of how to react.
- Laughs at the laughing apes.
- No longer finds Michael Bay and his bullshit shenanigans amusing, OK?
- Needs you to buy this dress for her, & if you don't, you hate America.
- Likes the idea of little adorable children singing songs she enjoys.
- Posts ANOTHER link to the International Society of Supervillains, & promises she is not getting paid for this advertising.
- Explains the horrors that will be visited upon you if you do not vote for Watchmen.
- Would like to meet the person who would let Bruno fix their TV.
- Is sad for the rat tattoo of rape.
- Proves that Obama is a bad president because of what's in his tummy.
- Kind of farts out on the Comics section.
- Finds a really creepy pool hall.
- Offers a clever way to catch yourself a sexy vampire.
- Likes when cool stuff joins forces with other cool stuff, especially when it involves Dave Eggers & Spike Jonze & Where The Wild Things Are.
- New Blog Entry: Some People Juggle Geese!
-
- elle_vee
- July 1st, 2009
- New Blog Entry: It's Like A Party In My Mouth & Everybody's Throwing Up!
-
- elle_vee
- July 1st, 2009
It's Like A Party In My Mouth & Everybody's Throwing Up!
In which ElleVee:
- Learns about onions & bees.
- Really liked Scream, & does not want to have to retroactively hate the series.
- Does not endorse the Stretch Armstrong movie.
- Reimagines Macbeth, badly.
- Is terrified of what Burger King hath wrought.
- Manages to connect exercising & saving money with cannibalism.
- Wants Boots of Irony.
- Fears the creature known as ManGaga.
- Thinks most problems in life could be solved by the International Society of Supervillains.
- Is not ass enough to ever question Jackie Earle Haley.
- Drools over Sam Trammell, AKA Sam Merlotte.
- Is perplexed by boob tattoos.
- Understands the nuances of James Bond.
- New Blog Entry: Okay. I'm Lost I'm Angry & Um I'm Armed.
-
- elle_vee
- July 1st, 2009
Okay. I'm Lost I'm Angry & Um I'm Armed.
In which ElleVee:
- Has a very long-winded excuse for being lazy.
- Secretly wishes there was Watchmen makeup.
- Fears the power of Rush Limbaugh's crazy.
- Admires Dr. Tiller.
- Stresses the importance of proper grammar.
- Refuses to get over her fear of flying.
- Ends up sort of endorsing child abuse, but just the funny kind.
- Needs a sword to fight zombies.
- Sincerely thanks the universe for Robert Downey, Jr. and his arms.
- New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Can Watch A Season Of '24' In Just 3 Hours.
-
- elle_vee
- June 26th, 2009
Bruce Campbell Can Watch A Season Of '24' In Just 3 Hours.
In which ElleVee:
- Imagines a life with Bruce Campbell and alcohol.
- Asks for suggestions for her list of Fandom Rules (email her at elle.veev@gmail.com)
- Can't get over how freaking WEIRD yesterday was.
- Relies far too much on Warren Ellis for normalcy in her life.
- Does not understand this tattoo.
- Has a violence fetish, it appears.
- Wishes whoever wrote Indexed would instruct her on how to live her life.
- Can always depend on Will Arnett to make her life better.
- Appreciates anyone who tells Amazon to screw off.
- Spent time that she will never get back looking at Bruno's hairy bull-penis.
- Loves Nathan Fillion, especially naked and/or in comic form.
- Will pay any amount of money if it means Chris Pine screams.
- Learned about The IT Crowd from her uncle and cousin, who are made of win, in part because they're English.
- Can think of nothing in life that wouldn't be improved by a shiv cosy, and neither can you.
- New Blog Entry: My Food Is Problematic.
-
- elle_vee
- June 25th, 2009
My Food Is Problematic.
In which ElleVee:
- Makes fun of River Tam, then begs for her life.
- Can't believe she got an award for writing this stuff.
- Knows that she will be safe from nuclear attack in England, where nothing bad ever happens, ever.
- Is not amused by your shark-bite wetsuits.
- LEGO ZOMBIES LEGO ZOMBIES.
- Did not steal the dinosaur head.
- Needs to wrangle herself an invitation to Johnny Depp's private island.
- Suspects Michael Bay stole an idea from Douglas Adams, which is ILLEGAL.
- Refuses to blow Burger King.
- Supports documentaries about the Doctor.
- Hopes that, because of the recession, everyone starts dressing like the cast of Repo! The Genetic Opera, or Lady Gaga.
- Mourns the illness of Marc Jacobs
- Hates U2.
- Really should have a Hunter S. Thompson tattoo.
- LOSES HER FUCKING MIND OVER THE LIMITED RELEASE OF WATCHMEN IN THEATERS WE ARE ALL GOING.
- New Blog Entry: They Were Little Geisha Dolls With Big Heads That Wobbled!
-
- elle_vee
- June 23rd, 2009
They Were Little Geisha Dolls With Big Heads That Wobbled!
In which ElleVee:
- Wishes she was as bad-ass as Inara.
- Appreciates Wikipedia.
- Admires anyone who combines hot tubs, alcohol, and pointless violence.
- Wishes Meryl Streep and Joss Whedon would join forces to save the world.
- Already has Child Protection Services watching out for her future children, due to her conviction that they will play with Rorschach ponies and sleep in Klingon cribs.
- Never trusted Doug Funnie.
- Wonders what qualifications you actually NEED to work for Fox News.
- Despises the internet for inflicting knowledge of Megan Fox's freak thumbs upon her mind.
- Will have the most awesome kitchen accessories in the world, one day.
- Shamelessly posts a naked picture of Hugh Laurie.
- Shouldn't read political posts in the morning, because they drive her to drink.
- Needs to stop reading horror stories about plane incidents.
- Would not date someone who owned penis workout equipment, but would MARRY the man who followed the Tenacious D philosophy of Cock Push-Ups.
- Has dibs on Woody Harrelson for her Zombie Fighting Team of Win.
- Will always have a soft spot for koalas, in honor of Mitch Hedberg, who was too cool for this world, and died in New Jersey, which makes her feel GUILTY, even though she was living in New York at the time.
- New Blog Entry: Mom After All These Years God’s Not Going To Take A Call From You.
-
- elle_vee
- June 20th, 2009
Mom After All These Years God’s Not Going To Take A Call From You.
In which ElleVee:
- Continues to wait patiently for Arrested Development: The Movie.
- Will be shocked if Will Ferrell ISN'T cast as Waldo in the abomination of Where's Waldo?.
- Learned today that her reproductive organs prevent her from liking anything cool or fun, and wishes Fiona from Burn Notice would teach the makers of these books a lesson, with VIOLENCE.
- Is marrying someone who she has never met because he somersaulted out of an airplane.
- Is very proud of herself for calmly negating the idea of a Teen Wolf remake, instead of screaming obscenities about dogfucking imbeciles who wouldn't know a good film from an infected rectal wart, because she is a lady of fine breeding and demure manners.
- Is also marrying Zachary Quinto, for more reasons than mere somersaulting, but mainly because she wants a Star Trek wedding cake and if she's marrying him it will seem cute instead of alarming and uncomfortable.
- Wants V to deserve all the love she wants to give it.
- Thinks that Sean Hannity is in love with Sarah Palin, and that their child would be called Damien, and it would be Year One (anyone who gets the reference gets an internet cookie).
- Thinks she deserves sexy minions.
- Would be amazed if Bill O'Reilly could go a whole day WITHOUT lying and destroying her already non-existent faith in humanity.
- Is willing to have her bra explode, for Russell Brand.
- Is pretty sure that cute zombies violate some primal law of nature.
- Wants a baby zombie panda.
- Loves Christopher Eccleston, but desperately wants to get him a new agent who isn't made of Suck.
- Does not lose her mind over the idea of a tarantula in her underwear, although she COULD.
- Understands what you're all saying, and STILL finds the idea of the pilot dying mid-flight to be the scariest shit ever.
- New Blog Entry: Bruce Campbell Doesn't Cheat Death. He Wins Fair & Square.
-
- elle_vee
- June 20th, 2009
Bruce Campbell Doesn't Cheat Death. He Wins Fair & Square.
In which ElleVee:
- Is not surprised that Bruce Campbell will save Obama, and America, and the universe.
- Casts a Freakangels movie in her mind.
- Would not like a recession haircut.
- Hates Sex and the City and, by proxy, all fashion that reminds her of that show.
- Wants Alan Tudyk to make everything better.
- Loves TV theme songs.
- Can't help but think only a jock asshole would want their beer cooler to play, I don't know, Metallica.
- Constructs an elaborate back-story behind a Watchmen drawing.
- Likes meat, but does not want a meat tattoo.
- Can find no snark for bacon-filled waffles.
- Does not understand why Warren Ellis does not return her blood-soaked crazy adoration.
- Refuses to follow the directions on soda.
- Wishes Ryan Gosling was always near her.
- Loses all intellect and typing skills over the new Sherlock Holmes poster of Robert Downey, Jr.
- New Blog Entry: It's Toe-Tappingly Tragic!
-
- elle_vee
- June 20th, 2009
It's Toe-Tappingly Tragic!
In which ElleVee:
- Apologizes for being so cranky.
- Thinks there is a law against remaking Hitchcock.
- Wants a Star Trek communicator.
- Thinks that reality TV show go away forever and stop bothering her.
- Has a theory that The New York Times is made of fail.
- Tries to point out the inherent flaws of buying something to support DIY.
- Posts nekkid pictures of Bruno.
- Laughs at abortion protestors, which is just ASKING for trouble.
- Won't it be humiliating when all of us are killed by BACTERIA?
- Believes with all her heart that her father would make a booger ball.
- Thinks there is entirely too much fuss over peanut butter.
- Wants zombie mania to infect her.
- Knows that all moose are named 'Walter.'
- New Blog Entry: Also I Can Kill You With My Brain.
-
- elle_vee
- June 20th, 2009
Also I Can Kill You With My Brain.
In which ElleVee:
- Wants to dress like a hipster pirate in honor of Lady Gaga.
- Hates and fears cameras.
- Posts pictures of Watchmen stuff, because she loves them.
- Needs to know what this is a tattoo OF.
- Dearly loves the person who invented honey-baked ham cupcakes.
- Doesn't want Pete Wentz anywhere near her damn comics.
- Remembers babysitting without fondness.
- Thinks there should be more melding of Star Trek and Monty Python in life.
- Hates stupid people and thinks that frankly if you're dumb enough to smoke because Wolverine does, you probably DESERVE to be weeded out of the gene pool.
- Is not ass enough to question Roald Dahl.
- Wants to Air Guitar her way into heaven.
- Calls dibs on Zachary Quinto.
- New Blog Entry: We're In The Middle Of Nowhere. Which Is The Safest Part Of Nowhere.-
-
- elle_vee
- June 15th, 2009
We're In The Middle Of Nowhere. Which Is The Safest Part Of Nowhere.
In which ElleVee:
- Tries to silence Fry until Futurama is actually ON the air.
- Thinks her words are brilliant and that 'funemployment' is the most evil word of the year.
- Refuses to believe makeup is hurting her, because it is fun and would NEVER betray me like that.
- Tries to explain her fascination/complicated love/hate relationship with Lady Gaga, but really that hair sums it up.
- Does not want ANYTHING crawling around inside her, except radioactive powers.
- Has a sort of psychotic bitch-session over how nothing Watchmen-related happens in New Jersey.
- Will never love a tattoo that raises the question, 'Shading or back-hair?'
- Loves Russell Brand, still.
- Does not plan on eating the marshmallow hamburger, especially because the meat bit looks like an ORGAN.
- Enjoyed free tacos 35 minutes ago.
- Needs to finish True Blood season 1, so she can get on with season 2, and has decided Sam is her favorite, but Bill is a sold second, and tat is VERY HONORABLE.
- Has given up on the Spider-Man franchise
- Loved Up and Ed Asner, and life, briefly.
- Fully expects some sort of hate-mail for this, because it deals with abortion, even if she WAS remarkably neutral, especially for her.
- Takes books and ends up talking about Watchmen and Heroes, which is how most conversations with her tend to go.
- New Blog Entry: One Of You Is Gonna Fall & Die & I'm Not Cleaning It Up!
-
- elle_vee
- June 14th, 2009
One Of You Is Gonna Fall & Die & I'm Not Cleaning It Up!
In which ElleVee:
- Formulates most of her opinions based on Firefly.
- Has uncanny recall for movie trailers from the nineties.
- Thinks that there is no crime so great as mowing a public lawn.
- Defends the honor and legacy of Don Knotts, because he was Don Knotts.
- Would never, EVER fuck with J.D. Salinger.
- Wants a Star Trek corset, and DAMN the consequences.
- Still can't decide if she liked Repo! The Genetic Opera because she was drunk and couldn't focus on much beside The Graverobber's Voice and Paris Hilton, which caused her to repeatedly Tweet, 'OMG Paris Hilton!' because she could not remember that she was in the movie.
- Continues mourning over Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
- Hates the NY Post.
- Can find better ways to burn calories than twitching.
- Adores crazy ol' Pat Buchanan.
- Cannot believe her species will be eliminated by giant jellyfish.
- Has many ideas surrounding glow-in-the-dark condoms.
- Will make you zombie jelly, if you buy her this mold.
- Wants all furniture to eat itself.
