Bruce Campbell Doesn't Use Pickup Lines. He Simply Says, 'Now.'
In which ElleVee:
- Laughs at everyone, ever.
- Went to school with every art school stereotype, ever.
- Doesn't see the problem with driving a bathtub.
- Laughs at the pain of children.
- Plans on stealing from libraries, for America.
- Looks forward to a world inhabited by future space vampires.
- Envisions a wonderful life with Russell Brand.
- Has no more panic left to waste on shitty stores.
- Celebrates America, with these fine American fellows:
* Alan Tudyk
* Hunter S. Thompson
* Robert Downey, Jr.
* Jackie Earle Haley
* Zachary Quinto
* Bruce Campbell
- Cannot imagine a world without Sarah Palin and her crazy.
- New Blog Entry: Why Am I Sticky & Naked? Did I Miss Something Fun?
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
elle_vee- June 13th, 2009
Why Am I Sticky & Naked? Did I Miss Something Fun?
In which ElleVee:
- Apparently delights in making small children cry.
- Can think of few things more terrifying than a giant evil rat that can laugh maniacally as it eats your face.
- Thinks Twilight would have been much improved by mermaids.
- Mourns Nickelodeon Magazine, but ends up talking about Madeleine L'Engle.
- Can find no fault with Russell Brand or his hat.
- Likes fedoras a lot.
- Demands that people from bands in the nineties stop undermining her youth and making overpriced shit clothes.
- Never will argue with Warren Ellis.
- Freaks out in a bad way over Watchwomen.
- Will not tolerate the degradation of Rorschach in any way, shape, or form.
- Does not plan on getting ANYONE'S face tattooed on her body.
- Loves sheep in cookie form.
- Gives you free downloadable comics because she is in a Good Mood.
- Misses coloring books.
- New Blog Entry: If You Gave Alan Moore A Typewriter & 0.001th Of A Second...
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- elle_vee
- May 23rd, 2009
If You Gave Alan Moore A Typewriter & 0.001th Of A Second He Could Write The Complete Works Of Shakespeare.
In which ElleVee:
- Nobly promises to blog all weekend, per usual, for America.
- Hates that she knows what a 'poop sock is.' HATES IT.
- Cries, not for the first time, over giant crabs of DEATH.
- Would love to try to eat free for a year, and write a book about it and become super-famous, but can't because she does not live in England. This makes sense to her.
- Finds a correlation between high school would-be punks and desperate old women.
- Was always afraid of PeeWee Herman.
- Loves coffee more than she really should, for her sanity, but will not drink coffee from poo beans.
- Will pretty much endorse anything Cory Doctorow likes.
- Wants the not-shoes.
- Is equally disturbed by the Bedazzled aspect of beef jerky undies as she is by the beef jerky undies themselves.
- Loves Jackie Earle Haley, and his upcoming TV show, and his STACHE.
- Wishes she had known about the movie-pee site years ago.
- Is angry with David Tennant for leaving her for Masterpiece Theater, unless of course it's Doctor Who's Masterpiece Theater of Sex. That's different.
- Uses all the power of sarcasm she has against the state of Texas, and whoever thought giving weapons to college kids qualified as a Good Life Choice.
- New Blog Entry: Inside Of Alan Moore's Head Is A Swirling Vortex Of Pure Energy...--
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- elle_vee
- May 18th, 2009
Inside Of Alan Moore's Head Is A Swirling Vortex Of Pure Energy That Burns With The Intensity Of Twelve Suns.
In which ElleVee:
- Veers from giddy excitement over passing 30,000 hits to sulky bitchiness because her daily hits have dropped.
- Blames Watchmen for her misery, because it is the beginning and end of all.
- Is happy Spock won her survey by a landslide, because Spock is the Star Trek version of Rorschach when it comes to her picture folder (look who's mixing her fandoms!) and asks readers to submit any Spock/Quinto pictures they want to see. And macros. She likes macros.
- Is clearly still an infant, because she finds butts funny.
- Wants to set things on fire, zombie or otherwise.
- Cries a little over the idea of someone spending $340,000 on something you poop into.
- Gets inordinately annoyed over the idea of 'girly beer.'
- Is frightened, confused, and strangely aroused, re: the melding of President and Vulcan.
- Once saw a giant rat on the subway, which is in no way like doggies on the subways in Moscow, but is the only comparison that came to mind.
- Loves Twitter, and loves Trending Topics, even though they are usually about idiotic shit she doesn't care about.
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Can Speak Braille.
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- elle_vee
- April 27th, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Grumbles about how it's too early and posts an article about Twitter
- Is kind of alarmed by how old and craggy Larry King is, and if he should be allowed to have a Twitter
- Excitedly plans her entire week around watching Dollhouse on her computer, even the episodes she didn't miss, because it's Dollhouse Week or something, because she still feels guilty about Firefly being cancelled even though she NEVER MISSED AN EPISODE, MR. WHEDON
- Spreads the joy of economic collapse
- Shouldn't be so pleased with Abercrombie losing money, the stores suck and they SMELL and are loud, and she will not apologize for hating that
- Hates this girl for having a fabulous wardrobe, and posts a compare/contrast with her own boring outfits, and is SAD
- Unironically uses the phrase, 'Tattoo of Win'
- Likes BookArmy, because she is cross with LibraryThing
- Is excited about Guillermo Del Toro writing vampire books, even though his books will make her own book POINTLESS, because he has all the talent and she has NONE
- Wants to eat the tiny cheeseburger cupcakes
- Tries to be sarcastic about the 'Moment of Win,' but really wishes she had driven to her college graduation in that badass motherfucker
- Finds an effective weapon if a zombie is right on top of you, but generally discourages allowing zombies to climb you, on principle
- Mysteriously (or not) would find it funny if two raging egomaniac actors loved only each other
- Knows everyone else has posted about these Meat Business Cards, but THEY ARE BUSINESS CARDS OF MEAT AND LASER, OKAY?!
- Does not think a camera shaped like a gun is a good idea
- Makes everyone cry with a phone with Muppet Lips that wants to suck out your soul, and even frightens HERSELF
- New Blog Entry: The Last Digit Of Pi Is Alan Moore. He Is The End Of All Things.
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- elle_vee
- April 24th, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Needs to hunt down and stop whoever is in charge of Lady Gaga's wardrobe, because really, look at those shoes, they are totally ridiculous
- Proves once again that people are awful and funny, and Hell is going to be overpopulated with guys misquoting The Simpsons and Family Guy for all eternity
- Shows you where you will be living, once the New World Order is established and everyone is broke and homeless and we might as well have faced a zombie apocalypse, because then you got to shoot the undead
- Posts a picture of abandoned houses that is actually incredibly sad, all things considered
- Thinks a fellow blogger (who actually has money and a career, but that's another story) should give her her bag (and her money and her career, and her shoes, because she WANTS those shoes, even if she hasn't posted them just yet)
- Continues to post disgusting/frightening tattoos, and then giggle evilly to herself
- Pimps out Jon Ronson as a scriptwriter, because his books are totally sweet
- Thinks Dean Koontz maybe needs to stop taking himself so seriously, and she knows because she worked with him, so she's practically a goddamn authority
- Needs someone to explain hot dogs and spaghetti, NOW
- Appreciates Cracked making Spam Mail funny for a few seconds
- Asks if you are prepared for the zombie apocalypse, and yells at you for not being prepared enough, you fool
- Wants very badly to close this Twilight umbrella over someone's head, because it's ugly and stupid and AWFUL
- Was pleasantly surprised to find herself enjoying Neil Gaiman's take on Batman
- Loved Freakangels, and picks her favorite character publicly, just to see if he will end up dead and fucked up by the end of the series, because EVERY FICTIONAL CHARACTER SHE LOVES DIES.This is true
- Wants this Super Nintendo purse, even as she puts it under WTF, because it is insane and wonderful
- Does not understand why everyone is so hell-bent on creating a shower curtain that will rape/kill/torture you as punishment for wasting water
- Reminds those who care that later today will be part I of her insane Rorschach post, so get excited
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Always Knows The Exact Location Of Carmen SanDiego.
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- elle_vee
- April 22nd, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Admits that posting three times in one day is a little insane
- Can't find anything redeeming about All The President's Men, save for the total WIN that is Jackie Earle Haley in a fedora, eating sugar cubes and shooting a gun
- Worries that the Tea Baggers will soon become a modern-day Nazi group, instead of a funny little fringe
- Is terrified of the idea of James Carville and Paul Begala coming for her in the dead of night, with feathers
- Applauds xkcd for being awesome, generally
- Loves that Pushing Daisies is going to a comic, and a freaky-good comic, and wishes more cancelled shows would be comics
- Cannot believe that Twilight is really promoting this kind of attitude towards a Sparkly Douchebag (HA)(See blog for HA reason)
- Thinks Dr. Horrible could bring about world peace
- Is pretty sure that Michel Gondry's interpretation of Green Hornet is going to blow the top off of everyone's tiny little head
- Will NOT deal with Quentin Tarantino's appearance on American Idol, and instead focuses on the coming glory of the Misspelled Movie
- Wants Bruno to be in theaters, right now, and for Sacha Baron Cohen to come over and be tall and funny and clever around her, for always
- Wonders about Nestea's ad campaign
- Lusts after a totally great scarf
- Is absolutely scared out of her mind by food (and she puts mayo on bits of chocolate, sometimes)
- Finds the nobility in grave-robbing
- Tries to think about Serious Issues, and ends up really wanting ice cream, badly
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Hates Roads & Islands, But He Loves Rhode Island. He Also Hates Irony.
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- elle_vee
- April 22nd, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Cannot get over how enthusiastic everyone is about Nite Owl (not that she's complaining, as she got an INSANE amount of hits due to the Impotent Bird)
- Relates Sarah Palin to The Simpsons, and quotes the best Halloween episode ever, and wonders if maybe someone needs to explain that Pro Choice does not mean MANDATORY abortions
- Wants to be a supehero therapist, for totally inappropriate and unwholesome reasons that involve staring at their arms
- Decides against a whole Twilight-hating thread, because that would be too much of a good thing, and opts for a daily dose of Sparkly Vampire Bullshit, starting with the Chucky doll of action figures
- Is very proud of how calmly she discusses the new Harry Potter movie, but suspects that may be because A) she hasn't reread the books in a while, and B) she's still deep into her Watchmen fixation
- May be the only person who's admitting that she always expects the murderer to be a clean-cut wholesome guy, and then gets distracted talking about Re-Animator, which I think they're remaking, which she's not OK with at all
- Posts the Moment Of Win, and the car she'll probably end up buying, considering her monies
- Starts a new category, Tattoo Of Win, which is either real or ironic, depending on the tattoo, and in this case is BOTH
- Confesses that she never liked Cyclops, but thinks maybe it's time to give the poor bastard a break, because really, this is getting out of hand
- Is pathetically relieved that Stephen Hawking is doing better
- Wants the foldable kitchen, to exorcize the demons of dormitory living
- Also wants to get wasted and slide down her sink
- Does not want bunnies and chickens to be slaughtered en masse because of the economy, because she does not know a single person who could kill animals mercifully and not fuck it up horribly
- Refuses to endorse the environmentally friendly golf cart that runs on cow poo, because this is only the first step on the path of CRAZY
- Reminds everyone that later today she will be posting Doctor Manhattn/Jon Osterman quotes/images/macros, and to prepare yourselves for the Great Blue Hype
- New Blog Entry: To Be Or Not To Be? That Is The Question. The Answer? Alan Moore.
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- elle_vee
- April 17th, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Gets some sleep, so is marginally less demented and angry. Marginally
- Grudgingly promotes MTV, because Jackie Earle Haley and Watchmen are up for some nominations, and she knows it won't get nominated for any Oscars because the Oscars are pure pretentious suck, so GO VOTE FOR JACKIE EARLE HALEY, because A) He should have won the Oscar for Little Children, and no LV is NOT letting that go, and B) We all know that the asshat from Twilight is going to win, because the universe sucks, so can't JEH at least get nominated? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!
- Secretly hopes that Chuck Norris and Texas Governor Rick Perry have a kickboxing match for supreme rulership of Texas
- Is looking for to more, non-sucking League of Extraordinary Gentlemen from her patron saint, Mr. Alan Moore
- Tries to keep her fangirlish excitement over The Rum Diary under control, and mostly succeeds
- Pretends there are no bedbugs, there never WERE any bedbugs
- Is not surprised that, eventually, spam will destroy everything we hold dear (the Email spam, not the food Spam)
- Finds a clock that she could rock back and forth whenever she was stressed out
- Predicts your gruesome demise at the hands of zombies (or teeth)
- Finds yet another reason to HATE environmentalists (she lives with two... she has the right)
- Volunteers to take care of Seth Green for all his days, because clearly he needs SOMEONE with some sanity in his life
- Hates on Twilight, and their stupid candy, because at least Watchmen had Sugar Cubes of Justice, and Beans of Retribution, and what does Twilight have? NOTHING. NULL POINTS. And our Hobo would break your hobo's sparkly little fingers, then set him on fire, ALL WHILE WEARING REALLY ADORABLE GLOVES.So wins for my team. TEAM RORSCHACH FOR THE WIN. TEAM TWILIGHT IS PWNED.
Wow. Maybe I had a bit too much coffee.
Also, I have looked at the Seth Green pictures again, and have decided that I still totally love him, and maybe that's in part because my hair was once the same color, and he looks good in that color, and hair grows back, and god damn it, it's STILL Seth Green.
Lastly, I'd like to point out that my icon has nothing at all to do with Watchmen or Rorschach. Ergo, I am totally sane.
