Okay. I'm Lost I'm Angry & Um I'm Armed.
In which ElleVee:
- Has a very long-winded excuse for being lazy.
- Secretly wishes there was Watchmen makeup.
- Fears the power of Rush Limbaugh's crazy.
- Admires Dr. Tiller.
- Stresses the importance of proper grammar.
- Refuses to get over her fear of flying.
- Ends up sort of endorsing child abuse, but just the funny kind.
- Needs a sword to fight zombies.
- Sincerely thanks the universe for Robert Downey, Jr. and his arms.
- New Blog Entry: Okay. I'm Lost I'm Angry & Um I'm Armed.
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elle_vee- July 1st, 2009
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore's Tears Cure Cancer. Too Bad He Has Never Cried.
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- elle_vee
- April 28th, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Would like you to consider the exciting and positive world of Twilight contact lenses, to cure the aching loneliness gnawing at your heart, like a WEREWOLF
- Admits that, maybe, sometimes honesty isn't the best policy, particularly on Valentine's Day, and particularly when you are an asshole
- Has friends who raise Puzzling But Uncomfortable Truths That Are Lies & Yet Kind Of Make Sense, all because of fashion
- Loves Sherlock Holmes in comic form, but secretly wants to to co-opt Leah Moore's life (or at least the part where she gets PAID to write COMICS)
- Does like Tim Roth an awful lot, and enjoys his new show even if it IS 'House solves crimes,' but still thinks that maybe the President talking about the future of the country is a smidge more important... No? OK
- Laughs at an article about the recession, then cries because it's all real and she made that joke for YEARS about how she always wanted to live in a Steinbeck novel, only she REREAD The Grapes of Wrath and remembered how MISERABLY everything goes, and the jokes on her now, isn't it?
- Wants makeup, but somehow still manages to relate it to comics, because that is how her brain works
- Will never have tattoo regret, because she is not an ass
- Is starting a religion based on someone's tattoo
- Loses all faith in Orson Scott Card, and people in general
- Cannot talk about Russell Brand without being reduced to a giggling, hormonal puddle of love
- Thinks that maybe bacon is not as awesome as everyone seems to think, even though she loves it and eats it every day, pretty much
- Supports mouth-punching
- EXPOSES the conspiracy to use swine flu to distract everyone from the ZOMBIES
- Loves Bai Ling and her Band Aids of Truth
- Thinks Bai Ling & Bill O'Reilly should join together and make the Baby of Everlasting Wisdom
- Supports everything Michael Cera does, unless he stops Arrested Development: The Movie, from existing, and then shit goes DOWN
- Finds herself speechless, no doubt because she has not yet bought herself a ticket to heaven, and will not be allowed in the Land of Milk & Honey, because she is cheap, or something, WTF MAN?!
- New Blog Entry: Guns Don't Kill People, Alan Moore Kills People. Sometimes With Guns.
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- elle_vee
- April 26th, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Apologizes for not blogging yesterday, but doesn't really mean it.
- Exposes the Obama CONTROVERSY that will destroy the presidency
- Feels for another short person
- Wishes The Onion had hired her back in the day, because their funny is EPIC
- Waits for the Made For TV Movie Craigslist Killer: M4Murder
- Promotes Freakangels, because her favorite character hasn't died yet!
- Thinks Ghost Rider is starting to make amends for the movie
- Almost feels guilty for mocking Twilight when they have LIPGLOSS, then gets over it
- Will not be seeing The Lovely Bones, and hated the book, and these are things you must accept about her, OK?
- Wishes the AVP movies had been 1/3 as funny as these ads
- Cannot deal with Saw VI
- Knows people think she's mad, but they WON'T when the zombies come and she's prepared, and you're all dead, so HA
- Wants to go to this museum, with small impressionable children
- Thinks Robot Penguin Overlords sound pretty sweet, actually
- Wishes she had invented this damn thing, but will settle for owning it
- Exposes, in case you had any doubts, how majorly fucked up kids books can be
- Posts a Tattoo Of Win
- Is electing the Flaming Lips for President of her heart
- Covets a stranger's wardrobe, which is probably creepy but I LOVE THESE SHOES
- Finds furniture that's just going too far, and will prevent you from getting laid, maybe
- Screams over an airline that is exclusively for pets, because for FUCK'S SAKE
- Asks for comic recommendations
- Promises to post Minutemen/Silk Spectre quotes later today, after her hellish LSAT class
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Can Set Ants On Fire With A Magnifying Glass. At Night.
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- elle_vee
- April 25th, 2009
Note: I just wrote a long-ass entry, and LiveJournal deleted it, because my day is a big pile of SUCK Sandwich, and God is still crying because of Rorschach, and GAH. Anyway.
In which ElleVee:
- Complains about the LSAT Diagnostics
- Hopes that the plotline for Doctor Who involving Gillian Anderson, AKA Scully from The X-Files, involves the Doctor sexing Scully and proving aliens are very real indeed
- Is a blogging failure, according to Mark Penn, who is never wrong
- Tries to use sarcasm about an article that claims that people LIKE being tortured, but gives up because it's just THAT fucked up
- Is very well pleased with the sudden Sherlock Holmes outpouring, especially in comic form and shirtless Robert Downey, Jr. form, because she's always loved Holmes, and read all his books
- Thinks that Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? looks like a pretty sweet comic
- Loves the Twilight perfume, because there is SO MUCH to laugh at
- Is looking forward to Tintin, despite her conflicted emotions towards Steven Spielberg
- Has her IQ reduced by fifty points by a picture of Robert Downey, Jr. as Sherlock Holmes, and DOES NOT CARE, because GUH
- Refuses to support another sequel to Toy Story
- Cries forever because there are spiders bigger than her, and they are COMING
- Is attracted to a car
- Cries yet again because Levi Johnston is writing a book, and will get a Book Deal, solely because he EJACULATED in some girl
- Hates Will Smith
- Does not want people to have cameras in their eyeballs, OK?
- Laughs at Nintendo DS Boobie Case, because really, it's funny
- Does not understand a picture, and posts it to learn
- Refuses to think extensively about toothpaste
- Laughs at the doggy's pain
- Complains MORE about LSAT Diagnostic
- Promises a Watchmen post later today, with Silk Spectre II and Minutemen
- New Blog Entry: The Last Digit Of Pi Is Alan Moore. He Is The End Of All Things.
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- elle_vee
- April 24th, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Needs to hunt down and stop whoever is in charge of Lady Gaga's wardrobe, because really, look at those shoes, they are totally ridiculous
- Proves once again that people are awful and funny, and Hell is going to be overpopulated with guys misquoting The Simpsons and Family Guy for all eternity
- Shows you where you will be living, once the New World Order is established and everyone is broke and homeless and we might as well have faced a zombie apocalypse, because then you got to shoot the undead
- Posts a picture of abandoned houses that is actually incredibly sad, all things considered
- Thinks a fellow blogger (who actually has money and a career, but that's another story) should give her her bag (and her money and her career, and her shoes, because she WANTS those shoes, even if she hasn't posted them just yet)
- Continues to post disgusting/frightening tattoos, and then giggle evilly to herself
- Pimps out Jon Ronson as a scriptwriter, because his books are totally sweet
- Thinks Dean Koontz maybe needs to stop taking himself so seriously, and she knows because she worked with him, so she's practically a goddamn authority
- Needs someone to explain hot dogs and spaghetti, NOW
- Appreciates Cracked making Spam Mail funny for a few seconds
- Asks if you are prepared for the zombie apocalypse, and yells at you for not being prepared enough, you fool
- Wants very badly to close this Twilight umbrella over someone's head, because it's ugly and stupid and AWFUL
- Was pleasantly surprised to find herself enjoying Neil Gaiman's take on Batman
- Loved Freakangels, and picks her favorite character publicly, just to see if he will end up dead and fucked up by the end of the series, because EVERY FICTIONAL CHARACTER SHE LOVES DIES.This is true
- Wants this Super Nintendo purse, even as she puts it under WTF, because it is insane and wonderful
- Does not understand why everyone is so hell-bent on creating a shower curtain that will rape/kill/torture you as punishment for wasting water
- Reminds those who care that later today will be part I of her insane Rorschach post, so get excited
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Once Lost The Remote But Maintained Control Of The TV By Yelling At It...
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- elle_vee
- April 23rd, 2009
Alan Moore Once Lost The Remote But Maintained Control Of The TV By Yelling At It In Between Bites Of His Filet Of Child Sandwich.
In which ElleVee:
- Hopes Glenn Beck's crazy never gets better, and longs for his pamphlet on How To Be Crazy
- Wishes Jon Stewart had actual political power
- Can't freaking believe the bullshit that spews from Sean Hannity on a regular basis
- Lists the comics she bought today (all Neil Gaiman and Warren Ellis, she just realized)
- Takes the homoerotic subtext of Superman and makes it text
- Uses a Walking Dead interview as an excuse to sulk about the lack of good comics or indeed comic book shops in New Jersey
- Is building a comprehensive thesis on why Twilight lovers hater their children
- Loves plot summaries
- Has politely asked Quentin Tarantino to correct the spelling of his movie MULTIPLE times, and is losing patience
- Wonders if Mel Gibson's existence has a point
- Eloquently negates the possibility of Constantine 2, while totally loving the idea of one poor soul igniting the rage of Alan Moore AND Warren Ellis, because it would be EXTREME
- Has found a shower curtain that can kill you
- Is scared out of her fucking mind
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Always Knows The Exact Location Of Carmen SanDiego.
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- elle_vee
- April 22nd, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Admits that posting three times in one day is a little insane
- Can't find anything redeeming about All The President's Men, save for the total WIN that is Jackie Earle Haley in a fedora, eating sugar cubes and shooting a gun
- Worries that the Tea Baggers will soon become a modern-day Nazi group, instead of a funny little fringe
- Is terrified of the idea of James Carville and Paul Begala coming for her in the dead of night, with feathers
- Applauds xkcd for being awesome, generally
- Loves that Pushing Daisies is going to a comic, and a freaky-good comic, and wishes more cancelled shows would be comics
- Cannot believe that Twilight is really promoting this kind of attitude towards a Sparkly Douchebag (HA)(See blog for HA reason)
- Thinks Dr. Horrible could bring about world peace
- Is pretty sure that Michel Gondry's interpretation of Green Hornet is going to blow the top off of everyone's tiny little head
- Will NOT deal with Quentin Tarantino's appearance on American Idol, and instead focuses on the coming glory of the Misspelled Movie
- Wants Bruno to be in theaters, right now, and for Sacha Baron Cohen to come over and be tall and funny and clever around her, for always
- Wonders about Nestea's ad campaign
- Lusts after a totally great scarf
- Is absolutely scared out of her mind by food (and she puts mayo on bits of chocolate, sometimes)
- Finds the nobility in grave-robbing
- Tries to think about Serious Issues, and ends up really wanting ice cream, badly
- New Blog Entry: Alan Moore Hates Roads & Islands, But He Loves Rhode Island. He Also Hates Irony.
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- elle_vee
- April 22nd, 2009
In which ElleVee:
- Cannot get over how enthusiastic everyone is about Nite Owl (not that she's complaining, as she got an INSANE amount of hits due to the Impotent Bird)
- Relates Sarah Palin to The Simpsons, and quotes the best Halloween episode ever, and wonders if maybe someone needs to explain that Pro Choice does not mean MANDATORY abortions
- Wants to be a supehero therapist, for totally inappropriate and unwholesome reasons that involve staring at their arms
- Decides against a whole Twilight-hating thread, because that would be too much of a good thing, and opts for a daily dose of Sparkly Vampire Bullshit, starting with the Chucky doll of action figures
- Is very proud of how calmly she discusses the new Harry Potter movie, but suspects that may be because A) she hasn't reread the books in a while, and B) she's still deep into her Watchmen fixation
- May be the only person who's admitting that she always expects the murderer to be a clean-cut wholesome guy, and then gets distracted talking about Re-Animator, which I think they're remaking, which she's not OK with at all
- Posts the Moment Of Win, and the car she'll probably end up buying, considering her monies
- Starts a new category, Tattoo Of Win, which is either real or ironic, depending on the tattoo, and in this case is BOTH
- Confesses that she never liked Cyclops, but thinks maybe it's time to give the poor bastard a break, because really, this is getting out of hand
- Is pathetically relieved that Stephen Hawking is doing better
- Wants the foldable kitchen, to exorcize the demons of dormitory living
- Also wants to get wasted and slide down her sink
- Does not want bunnies and chickens to be slaughtered en masse because of the economy, because she does not know a single person who could kill animals mercifully and not fuck it up horribly
- Refuses to endorse the environmentally friendly golf cart that runs on cow poo, because this is only the first step on the path of CRAZY
- Reminds everyone that later today she will be posting Doctor Manhattn/Jon Osterman quotes/images/macros, and to prepare yourselves for the Great Blue Hype
